I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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