where am i from again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
