Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
