the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
