I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
