Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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