so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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