omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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