I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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