Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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