I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize