This is not my ceiling
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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