my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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