see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
