Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
