Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
