im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think i have herpe
just one?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
