My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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