No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
