Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
