doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
