I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
