Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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