I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
