...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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