I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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