im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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