apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Farmville is her only friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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