I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
