As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
