Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
