i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize