well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
