You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize