her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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