DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
