hell yes lets make some ravioli
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
