Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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