after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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