no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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