Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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