get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
