i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
