What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
