Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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