Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
