Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dicks are not precious.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
