My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
