this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
