Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
