I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
