i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
