i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
