dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you bring me the toilet please
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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