The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
