Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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