its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
