peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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