redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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