So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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