it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
