Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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